Being A Man

Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free. 

That's being a man. Being afraid of something and yet, still, going through with it. I will live off this goddamn quote. Jim was the man, his legacy will be on this planet for centuries to come! Jim Morrison is a perfect role model. You have to be smart to choose him as a role model for the right reasons. He was a drunk, loud, obnoxious clown. He was also a poet, a lover, a man, a very smart human being with unique ideas. Jim was a man's man. The type of guy who starts fights at bars and takes home the sweet mamasitas. A bloody blues poet. He left us with a vast collection of music, poems, and quotes. Where's your will to be weird? Enough about Jim. 

Being a man isn't about being tall and muscular. Its about being confident and independent. 

My new years resolution was a simple one. Be a man. Be more manly. Grow a pair. Quit being a pussy. I thought it was pretty simple, I mean, what's so hard about not being a pussy? Everything is! My greatest obstacle was dealing with the break up of my first love. It was tough. I completely changed after the break up. I felt independent. Unstoppable. And even more so with the recent success of my homeschooling program. Life was great. 

The mistake was that I completely suppressed the whole break up. I don't think I dealt with it properly. I blocked my ex on Facebook, I avoided conversations about her. She was completely out of my mind. I thought this was great! Finally! I was cured! Even though I strongly felt this way, I still had this small thought in the back of my mind warning me about the possible outcomes of trying this method. I suppressed that too, of course. It wasn't until I really started wishing to me more manly did I start feeling like a coward about blocking my ex and avoiding conversations. The quote by Jim Morrison pushed me to unblock her. I did and wow, she was everywhere (I always had the feeling that she was everywhere, even though I could never see her). Now that she was unblocked, I saw the things she liked, the statuses she commented on. The new boyfriend she has. I even found out that she's my best friend's best friend. How crazy is that? I would've never known. Enough ranting. 


The point is that I subjected myself to my deepest fear. I felt bad, of course, but I also felt 100lbs lighter. The thought of me running away was no more. The new MAN Tony is here.