Funny Experience

It was just like any other night. I had just logged off of Facebook and was laying in bed, staring at my ceiling. And like every other night, I couldn't just sleep on command. I was wide awake, thinking about what I was going to do tomorrow. Probably ride my bike or watch a movie with my girlfriend, you know, regular teenage stuff. Little did I know, my whole perspective on life would change that night. 

As my thoughts were fading and fading away and I was slowly drifting into a subconscious dream, a sudden rush of what felt like a swarm of ants came crawling from my toes, up my spine, and to my face. I've never had a swarm of ants crawling on my skin, but I was pretty sure it would of felt like that. I started breathing hard, my limbs went numb, and my vision blurred. I was hyperventilating (a.k.a. having a panic attack). I had one last summer; the first day of summer school, I was rushed to the hospital. The only thing I had on my mind aside from the fear of passing out was the question: What are you going to do about high school? 

Two weeks prior to that night I got a letter from my counselor, saying that I was incredibly behind in credits. I had two choices: Either I bust my ass off trying to recuperate credits via adult school and summer school or I get my high school credentials some other way. I shouldn't have blown it off, the summer school deadline was last week. In this country you need at least a high school diploma to secure a decent job. My life was surely over.

Back then I had a completely different way of approaching situations. I’d always think of the worst case scenario. In this case: If I tried the adult school route, I would simply not finish on time and I’d be forced to stay in school another year, and be the laughing stock. Or if I left Hamilton and got my diploma somewhere else, I’d lose all my friends and my girlfriend, and be the laughing stock. I was never the coolest kid in school so the couple colleagues I had would completely vanish. I was also a very jealous and dependent boyfriend (so was my girlfriend). I thought a break up was inevitable because we would not see each other as much. 

I was finally calming down so I called my girlfriend. It was 1 A.M. so I wasn't so sure she would pick up. She did. 

“Babe” I said.

“Yeah?” 

I immediately started to cry. 

“I’m a goddamn failure! I might be leaving Hamilton”

“What! Why? You’re not a failure.” she said as she started crying, too. 

“Insufficient credits to graduate. I can either stay and work extra hard and maybe graduate on time or I leave and get my diploma some other way” 

By the end of the call, we were both drowning in our tears. 

It’s been over six months and I can say I've matured enough to feel utter disappointment to how I reacted. I let the dark, irrational fears get the best of me. I’m ashamed at the fact that I cried. I behaved like a complete wuss crying on the phone and hyperventilating at that miniscule problem. If I were in a similar situation now, I would behave in a completely different manner. I guess you can say I’m a lot more manly, tough, experienced. It’s embarrassing. 

I did end up losing some friend and we did end up breaking up (I guess my predictions were right). But it’s good now, you know? I thought my life was was going to be ruined, but no. It’s actually better. I finished the home school program extra early and graduated a semester before my class of 2012. Now I'm in college, meeting new people. Things don't always go as planned but they always manage to fall into the correct place.